He is going to know.

One day, he’s going to know.

                he’ll know my birthday, my middle name, where I was born, and my parents names. he’ll know how old I am when I learnt to ride a bike, to race a control car, to play music, how my grandparents passed away, how many pets I had, and how much I hated going to school. he’ll know my eye colour, my scars, my freckles, my laugh lines and my birth marks. he’ll know my favourite book, movie, food, pair of shoes, colour, and song. he’s going to know why I am awake at 5am most nights, where I was when I realized I’d lost a good friend, why I picked up the razor and how I managed to put it down before things went too far. he’s going to know my phobias, my dreams, my fears, my wishes, and my worries. he’s going to know about my first heartbreak, my dream wedding, and my problems with my parents. he’ll know my strengths, weaknesses, laziness, energy, and my mixed emotions. he’s going to know about my love for dark chocolates, my dream of being famous when I was five, my need to quote any film I know all the way through, and my fear of growing older. he’ll know my bad habits, my mannerisms, my stroppy pout, my facial expressions, and my laugh like it’s his favourite song. the way I chew, drink, walk, sleep, fidget and kiss. he’s going to know that I’ve already picked out wedding flowers, baby names, tiles for the bathroom, bridesmaid dresses, and the colour of my bedroom walls. he’s going to know, get annoyed at and then accept that I leave my stuffs everywhere and I forget where I put it before, how much I love shopping, how much I addicted to formula one's cars, take twenty minutes to order a Starbucks, have to organize my clothes according to the materials. he’ll know my McDonald’s order, how many sugars to put in my tea, how much of ice cream I want, how much I hate candies, and  I hate my sandwiches cut into triangles. he’s going to know how I feel without me telling him, that I need a wee from a look on my  face, and that I am crying without shedding tears. he’s going to know all of it. Everything. me, from top to bottom and inside out. from learning, from sharing, from listening, from watching. He’s going to know every single thing there is to know, and what else? he is still going to love me anyway :)

it will always behind the scene.

hello. assalamulaikum. 

just a little thought of mine at this hour.

thinking bout debate with reasoning and belief. debates are good, but dont debate simply for the purpose of going against someone. I know people who; it doesnt matter what you say, will argue the point, just for the purpose of proving you wrong. you gain nothing from that. we walk separately paths. let it be. as much as you believe in something, those beliefs may not apply in someone's life.

some people say -laugh when we can, apologize when you should and let go of what you cant change. love deeply and forgive quickly. take chances and give your everything. life is too short to be anything but happy- you have to take the good with the bad. love what you got and always remember what you had. forgive but dont forget. learn from your mistake but never regret. people change and things go wrong. but life goes on. still. how can you live without progress ? I'd rather things be worse, in order to get better, than to have them never change at all. sometimes the world goes completely against you, maybe it's the only way to pull that willpower out of you. If you aren't tested, you wont feel the need to understand what's going on. life tests me to make me better. 

maybe Im a complicated person. well as I said. maybe. not everyone has a simple mind. some people have such an intense and creative thought process, it makes them almost impossible to relate to. It takes patience, but once you understand the workings of passionate mind, you wont ever want to live without it. I have an undying need to create, to explore places I've never been and to try things I've never done. comfort is in the people I love. It's not a lifestyle. I refuse to live one way for the rest of my life. I need to learn. I need growth.

well. it is just a little thought of mine. just a simple say from my point of view :)

after 19 chapters completed. hello 20.

hello and assalamualaikum.

how I ever imagine I could reach this stage. talking about the stage of life. owned a very lovely people. surround me. I took them for granted sometimes. being neglected is not a great feeling. I look at myself. how much I've grown up. I will never forget two people; the person who lost everything just to make me win and the person who will always with me in every pain. parents. changed me from nil to a number.

when the clock hit 12 on 25th february, I was glad. thanks ayah for being the first person wished me. my phones started to make those 'click' tones from the beginning till the next day. somehow I realized, it was not how much wishes I've received, how many presents and gifts I've got, how many people remembered me. no. but how I get myself ready for something next. but 25th feb will always be the greatest day of the year. from one year to another, I never see so much different in myself but Im still running.

to be old and wise, I must first be young and stupid. looking at old pictures, how much I've grown in maturity. I learned that the hard way. how much I push something, yet, it comes closer. how much I pull, it runs. my dad left since I was young. how many people see how unlucky I am. until one day I realize, if he never did, I'll not be me. keep me mature in taking any decisions. be more independent. keep saying 'okay', 'takpe' in any situations because it makes me feel calm. latih diri untuk sabar, sabar dan sabar.
DIA selalu tahu apa yang terbaik untuk hambaNya.

I walk slowly on the earth because I know I have nothing. Im just a human. sometimes, I need a shoulder, eyes and ears. not everyday is a walk in the park, and when those days really come along, you’ll learn to appreciate them more. Nothing ever infinitely goes downhill. Everything happens for a reason and people make mistakes. Some mistakes turn out to be the best choice you ever made. I’ve learned its not about what happens to people, its what they do about it. I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there’s always going to be two sides. I’ve learned that it’s a lot easier to react than it is to think. I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them. I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t. We are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. And its either you control your emotions or they control you.

I need a very clear guidance to make me sane. belajar untuk selalu meminta pada DIA dengan usaha. sentiasa bersyukur. never complain. and Im glad to have everyone in my life. friends, colleagues.

and btw,, happy national siblings day dear, my little bro.

Pray for Us. CBB. Enactus UTP.

" Dear,
Thank you for your interest in 1M4U. We have received the information on the project you submitted via our website where you indicated your wish to apply for DRe1M funding. We are pleased to inform you that your project has been shortlisted by our committee.

We would however like to have some more information in order to process the application:

1. Kindly email us more information of your project, in particular a detailed proposal of the budget.
2. Please email us more information about your Organisation/Group (e.g. history, number of members, Organisation structure, past projects).
3. Please note that the amount of funding approved for your project is RM5,000.00. Kindly let us know if you are able to carry out your project with this amount of funding from 1M4U.
4. Please fill up the attached Agreement form and email it back to us.

Furthermore, we would appreciate if you could email us your feedback by 10th April 2013 (Wednesday) 5.00 pm. If you have any questions or need further clarification, please contact us via email

Regards,
1M4U Committee "

Here, im congratulating all my friends for all your hard works just for this. we are doing a beneficial thing.
keep working. teamwork. commitment. time. energy. everything. somehow, i cant wait. new semester and work with them. Again.

cant describe how much I MISS THEM.

Tun public lecture. Graduates in 21st century.

assalamualaikum and hello =)

sharing session okay this time. I went to utp last week for some reasons. and fortunately Tun Dr Mahathir was there to give his public lecture. sooo we just 'jooommmm dengarrr !!'

It was worth attending for. Inspiring speech by him, kinda jokes but serious in his talks.

"the changes around us is not always about politic."

"quest for knowledge goes beyond academic qualifications."

"koreans adjust to their surrounding, knowledgeable, work hard and discipline."

basically dia banyak talk about us. you know. on how to be a better person, the qualifications to be hired by a good company, attitudes, skills, how good your communication skills, how you deal with certain serious problem etc. and lets put the salary aside. serve for the country, religion and not just for yourself.

talked about the world. history, wider vision. that amount of knowledge that he has is awesome. 

banyak lagi sebenarnya yang dia cakap. tapi ingat ingat lupa. well. all people around the world adore him much. pemimpin dunia. I wish I can deliver a good speech without any texts. kinda imba.

full house !

these girls were on fireeee ! *they say*

well. thats all. see ya ;)

pray for them

lets embrace each other individuality.

pray for those yang dah terkorban dalam isu pencerobohan di sabah. 

I dont really get involve in this politic thingy tapi kena ambil tahu. decided for not to say much on this sebab tak nak sentuh sensitiviti sesiapa. but seriously, it really matters. I do read  those stuff. errrmm,, basically newspapers, blogwalking, articles etc. berita especially lah kan. 

salahkan sesama sendiri tak selesaikan apa apa pun sebenarnya. benda dah jadi. mereka dah pergi. we learn from mistakes. daripada bertelagah nak tegakkan benang masing masing, well,, kinda 'siapa betul siapa salah,,' it is much better when we stand together. nyawa mana ada ganti. isu politik please tolak tepi kejap. fikirkan lah perasaan keluarga yang terlibat. all about humanity. 

the coffee. my coffee.

hello and assalamualaikum people. awesome people. march is coming.

I adore myself sometimes. because at least, I stand with my own feet. ya I know. semua orang memang pakai kaki sendiri pun kan. tak pinjam kaki orang pun. double meaning gaiisss. people rarely remember the millions times you help them, only the one time you don't. but don't pick up other people flaws when you cant even see your own. being nice and respect people not because they always right, but because they are human and it's not always about us. when people talk, listen completely because most people never listen.  the quieter I become, the more I can hear. have more than I show, and speak less than I know.

Two things define you. your patience when you have nothing and your attitude when you have everything.
maybe there is something you are afraid to say, or someone you are afraid to love or somewhere you are afraid to go. remember. patience is virtue. dont be the person they want to see when they look at you. be the person they knew the first time they saw you. I dont love someone because they are perfect, I love them in spite of the fact that they are not. because you were born to be real, not perfect.

Life is not about being who everyone else wants you to be. it's about being yourself and finding someone that loves every bit of it. you can't always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them off. when your legs get tired, run with your heart. the person who deserves to live together in your good moment and share your happiness is the one who knows how to share your sadness and stay in your worst condition. there are two reasons why people don't talk about something. either it doesn't mean anything to them or it means everything. including me.

because sometimes, you know those moments we might have faced when mamat or minah kepoh wanted to know something badly about you especially rumours or anything bad just because for the sake of nak tahu. tak payah lah nak buka aib orang. some people might really care, but some, wont just understand, they gonna start to misinterpret, misunderstood and that's gonna make you feel worse. things gonna be worse. and me myself as a human, try my best to make my presence, my words as the reasons for someone to smile, to be better. for some reasons, sometimes people are confused between caring and being annoying.

just so you know, it's my life. I make my own coffee. nak yang manis ke, pahit, color putih, hitam pekat belikat ke, I'll make it by myself. so do you. keep smiling because you deserve to. living in this world is to express. not to impress. be better in time.

so much me